You know that subtle yet menacing voice in your head that keeps reminding you how much of a worthless piece of shit we are; reminding you how lazy, dirty, unfortunate, ugly, not good enough or that you won’t find love like everyone around seem to have. 😂 I hope this shit doesn’t just happen to me, anyways if you hear that voice then honey that’s your demons. Some of us hear it louder than others so we pick up self destructive habits.
So I have always had this thing of not having the same friend for long, what happens is that whenever I am getting too close to someone the tiny voice in my head tells me that they won’t be there for long so I start withdrawing, same as my love life, the little voice tells me things like; it’s not long before he finds out how much of a freak you are and scram, he would find someone more captivating soon after all no one is indispensable. So I tap out before I get too invested that it would hurt when the “inevitable” happens. I would always flake out on every hangout, even if I convince myself to go out I just sit there and never say anything or I listen to music with my earphones which is rude ( I could be ridiculously socially awkward), apparently just leaving is a very rude thing to do 🙄. Don’t get me wrong I am a friendly person, I don’t just do well in public places or in the presence of more than 3 people.
People use different means just to keep the demons at bay such as; drinking, smoking, substance usage or even over working. All these unhealthy habits can only do so much, you can’t be high, drunk, or busy all your life. No matter how hard we try to ignore the demons they would always be there lurking in the corner, the more you try to keep the lid over your demons covered the more messed up our lives become. At some point in our lives we have had a battle with out demons unknowingly, you have felt anger, guilt or hated yourself for a reoccurring bad behavior that you have promised yourself on countless occasions that you’d drop, that you’d stop enabling that voice. I understand that our generation is under a lot of pressure but being high and drunk all the time only brings our death day closer.
Tsultrim Allione in her book feeding your demons mentioned an old Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice where you give that demon haunting you a face and identity, then just sit and feed them the same way you’d feed a guest at your party. Allione explains that it has a healing effect, it means that you are accepting the worse part of yourself and loving yourself regardless ( I didn’t read the book I stumbled on it in an article, would love to though). So I subscribed to her views and it’s been so helpful so far, I started my blog (yaaaay!) the old me wouldn’t have. My demons tends to tell me I won’t excel in things I get a little bit of interest in so I never go through with it. The best parts of us could also be the worse, hence we can’t acknowledge the best parts without also acknowledging the worse, our worse parts is just a reflection of what we desire to be our best.
Basically what I do is I listen to the voices and try each day to make myself better, I am always open to learn because I could be too critical of myself that’s why you guys reviews my writing are quite important to me. My demons motivates me to be better in all aspect of my life, so guess who is kinda in control of her demons, yeah me! I made her my bitch. So I urge you to stop trying to subdue your demons and just accept them, they are part of you so love all of you because darling you are amazing, gorgeous, smart, funny, intelligent, phenomenal, you kick ass and most of all you are good enough😉.
Xoxo coco.
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