Today is the first time in a while I have the urge to pen down something, I have kinda been busy of late (lol that was a lie unless you call sitting at home all day surfing the internet and watching movies being busy). The truth is I have been feeling like a fraud of late, saying one thing here and doing or feeling the exact opposite. I wrote about being consistent and urged y’all to be consistent yet here I am, making a post 2 or 3 weeks since my last post.
Today is Thursday but for my sanity can we please pretend it’s Monday. Can I tell y’all a secret…? *whispers* I don’t even know what to write about today, but hopefully something pops in my head. First I need to ask how you guys are doing, hope you are fine..?. I finally decided to tell y’all a story of when my life flashed before my eyes.
So it was a dry February evening (harmattan left late this year), around 7:00 to 7:30 pm. I was on my way home from hanging out with a friend, and after these hangout it is a sure thing that I am not going home sober. I have had quite a number of drinks, for y’all that know me I am not really an outdoor kind of person. I don’t stay out past 9, all I am thinking at that time is “damn you are meant to be sleeping at this time” I am old I know.
I ordered a taxify home, on our way home a painted taxi swerved in front of us with no warning whatsoever on the expressway. That made the Taxify driver match the breaks suddenly, I don’t know what was going on in the Taxify driver’s head (I think we should call him Mike, so I don’t have to repeat Taxify driver a lot), Mike wasn’t gonna have that happen to him without a fight for reasons best known to him.
Mike decided to overtake the painted taxi but before over taking, he showered insults on the driver and y’all know how that would be like. Mike said things like “your mama!, idiot!, mumu!” and so many other things I can’t really remember. Mike overtook the painted taxi, we were on the last lane, you know the fast lane, the lane for crime, the one close to the barricade (I hope this was descriptive enough) and I was bobbing my head to a song. Then I looked at the side mirror and saw a car so close to Mike’s car, at first I thought I was overreacting (lol I do that a lot, I think everyone is out to get me… I am a ball of paranoia) but I wasn’t overreacting.
The painted taxi was following us bumper to bumper, I brought this to Mike’s attention after all it was his fault we were being followed by God knows who (he could be a psychopath like the guy in the movie “Unhinged” or he could be a serial killer or a juju man or….. the possibility of who he could be was vast), but all Mike (I am trying my best not to insult him) could say was “Wetin him fit do”, well Mike he could beat you into a pulp because he driven by anger or he could flog us with a machete and dump us in a ditch or he could use us as an outlet of his frustrations. He kept on following us trying to ram us into the barricade but that failed then he tried to hit us from behind (lol that sounded sexual) well that seemed unsuccessful.
Painted taxi driver finally swerved in front of us stopped his car, making us come to a sudden halt. He got down from his car came towards us and tried opening Mike’s door, lol let me not even get into the details of my state of mind then. All I was thinking was “so this is it, you aren’t going to be killed by a disease or something more explainable, you’d be killed by an angry Nigerian painted taxi driver 
” I was shaking all this while. The door was locked so he couldn’t open it, all the while painted taxi driver’s car was still in motion and his passengers were jumping out of the car (mind you, this was going on in the middle of the ducking express). The painted taxi driver was swollen with rage, his eyes were bloodshot from drinking or smoking or even both, I had never seen such anger.
Mike found a way to escape the guy, but the guy was still holding on the car door when we were driving off and hitting the windshield with his fist. We finally got rid of him and with my knowledge of stalkers (I am talking of movies I spend all my time watching) I told Mike to take the next exit to the service lane. My life flashed before my own eyes, I had to do breathing exercises to calm down and all ducking Mike could say was “he no fit do anything” no shit Mike, why didn’t you open your door and confront him…? Why Mike..? Why..?!.
Moral of this story is that no one in this ducking country is normal. We are all moving mad.
Xoxo Coco.
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