I don’t think I have written about any topic as serious as today’s topic, it’s serious because everybody is struggling with it knowingly or unknowingly it’s just serious in some people more than others. I didn’t want to write about this because I felt I would seem weak and mushy and y’all might look at me different, but then I thought I should share my story so you won’t feel alone. Body dysmorphia is a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. The flaw may be minor or imagined, but the person may spend hours a day trying to fix it (I googled it).
I know body dysmorphia being a mental illness has already put some of y’all off, as Nigerians we are taught that the only people with mental ailments are those unkempt, half naked people roaming the streets aimlessly. Meanwhile 99.9% of our population are mentally challenged.
Basically everybody has that part of their body that they obsess over, always trying to hide it and if given the opportunity would change it at any cost. It could be that bow leg, knocked knee, flabby tommy, thighs, feet, hair, head lol the list goes on. This makes us so unhappy and insecure, it’s okay and normal to have that part of your body that you would love to change, as humans we are insatiable; we always want what we don’t have, we want more all the time that’s just how we are wired. But don’t ever let it define you, don’t think you are less than who you actually are because I think you are a master piece, you are the only one of your kind; embrace it.
Trust me I understand what you are going through, because I have had Body Dysmorphic Disorder for as long as I can remember (lol not clinically diagnosed though). But thinking back now, I know for sure that I had it. For me it was my whole body… like how do you hide your whole body?. I started seeing my body as a huge flaw when I was 6 or 7, I was always called names by peers, strangers and worse of all family. The insecurity started by refusing to wear my regular clothes “because they were too revealing”, lol what does a 7 years old know about her body? You most be thinking, all I wanted to wear was a big jean that fell from my waist which made me seem like I was sagging them and a free shirt everyday to cover up my “ugly body”. Then I started working out at 10 years old (I dreaded working out), but I desperately wanted to loose weight. Then puberty came into play, it became worse from 12-18years. Lol puberty wasn’t a pretty color on me, the hormones flying everywhere didn’t help either. Within that time I battled depression, developed a terrible eating disorder where I refused eating which caused my ulcer, fought thoughts of harming myself (I hoped I would get so ill or get in an accident because I thought it would make me loose weight) and some other things I can’t mention now. Lol it got to a point where I won’t even glance at a mirror and would never take pictures. I never believed in myself, I allowed people talk down at me and all of those things insecure people do.
But now, I have come very far. I am still recovering from the eating habit, but I really love my jiggly thighs, my bat winged arms, fupa, love handles, muffin top, all of me because those qualities is what makes me Coco. I still wanna change it but I am not obsessing over it, I am not hanging my happiness on it, I am working out now not “to be beautiful” but to be healthy. I mentally calculate my carbs intake and how much exercise would get rid of it. The secrete to getting better is being surrounded with positive energy, amazing friends and family who would remind you how beautiful and phenomenal you are, because sometimes we forget. Another thing that made me better is; I try to make myself better in the feild I know I am kind of good at like I read more books, learnt more stuff because at least if I don’t get noticed (the good kind of attention) for my physical look I could be noticed mentally (which is the ultimate attraction in my opinion). I also hold on to amazing and exceptional qualities that even I know that I possess like; my mind, my eyes, my skin (even if my face isn’t cooperating), my hair, my hands and feet, my lips, my personality and so many more. So if you are going through something like this, I urge you to write down the qualities you admire about yourself, so whenever you feel blue about your body just read it and remind yourself how unique, beautiful and amazing you are. Those little quirks is what makes you who you are, embrace it and remember to always be nice to people around you.
Xoxo Coco.
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