Hey it’s me death, I am sure you expected I’d be a skull with floating black robe and be so hideous, or my favorite color would be black. Well I am none of those things on the contrary, my name is Devon Ernest Angus Thompson Hector but my friends ( I like to think of those who see me as my friends) call me DEATH, it’s an acronym of my names, my dad thought it creative. He named me after remarkable people in his life, it’s a story for another day. I love bright colors, I think they bring out my really beautiful eyes.
Honestly, I don’t understand why everyone hates me so much, I am a fucking natural phenomenon. Everyone shudders and forbids me; when the young folks do it, well I understand they still have a lot to fulfill and all, but when old folks do it, now that’s just ridiculous and greedy, like what more do you want? Trust me I am no happier than you are, taking a kid or a young folk but it’s not my call to make, all I do is get the name. It’s not up until the deed has been done that I hear on the news or street or even read in the newspaper the description of my victims, which in a way is best because as tough as I may sound I am quite a softie. The BOSS knew what he was doing when he made the rules, there is every possibility I will get so attached to my victims that I would spare their lives and bend every rule in the books.
The most heartbreaking thing is the way all of y’all envision me, let me make this clear; I AM NOT HIDEOUS!, I like to think that I am a drop dead gorgeous, jaw dropping and eyes popping individual. you need to see me in a suit, trust me, even I can’t get over that look. It’s quite insulting the way I am perceived and I don’t carry a scythe.
To shine a little light on the good I have done, do you remember Mrs Adetusa ? That woman was going through a lot, she was in a lot of pain and she begged for me to take her which I did. I know it left her husband without a wife and her 5 children without a mother, but the woman was suffering. She was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer early last year, I am better than living in that agonizing pain, or that lad Ahmed who was involved in a fatal accident that left him basically eating from a tube. His family even said the Talqeen prayer for him, his brother secretly prayed for me to take him because he also knew that I was better than what his brother was feeling. What of the politician that was stealing all your money and making it hard to feed your families? or the terrorists that took a lot of innocent souls?
I think I am actually getting a bit infuriated by all this bad energy and hate I get all the time. I know the people I take are your loved ones, trust me they are in a better place except they lived a bad life, then they are in deep shit. Sometimes I feel and think y’all are just ungrateful, I feel attacked all the time, I have feelings too you know. I MATTER ALSO!!
For a new life to begin, an existing one has to end, that is the natural order of things. If people don’t die the world would be over populated which is one of the causes of global warming, trust me that is worse than a few people dying here and there. Let me tell you a story that might change the way I am perceived.
It was a very rainy Thursday night, I was having my regular glass (bottle) of whiskey when I got a long list of names, my victims. The location was the road leading to Imo state from Aba (Abia state). I was in position when I saw a luxurious bus approaching, it was occupied by men, women and few children, mostly traders who buy goods from Aba and sell in Imo state I think. It was still raining heavily, the plan was to cause a fatal accident that won’t spare anyone, the names that were not on the list was meant to be collateral damage. As the perfect opportunity approached I found myself resisting, I had a little battle with myself, it must be the whiskey (at least that was the excuse I tell everyone and by everyone I mean the BOSS and myself… it has to be the drink). Finally I did it, but I didn’t make it serious enough to kill anyone, i just drove them off the road a few people sustained some injuries, nothing serious. I did it damning the consequences, knowing I was bending every rule in the book, I knew I would be punished not caring what the punishment would be, but I did it anyways… all for what?!, all for your ungrateful ass. I am still suffering for that action, sometimes I ask myself if it was worth it.
So I urge you guys to just sit there and judge me and talk shit about me without walking a day in my shoes. I actually don’t care anymore, but one thing is for sure; I am not repeating that crazy mistake again. As a matter of fact Fuck y’all!.
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